Memento Mori: November 2021… the end.

NOVEMBER HAS ARRIVED!

I started this Memento Mori journey a year ago when I turned 41. I have lived to see another year, so I am now 42 and making it do what it do!

I count this year of intentionally blogging about life every month, as a success. It took consistency and commitment. It has also supplied constant reminders to keep writing.

I have lost so much between November of 2020 and November of 2021. At times, I felt like I was in a loop of standing up JUST to get kicked back down. This past year was a humbling of which I never wanted but needed and not because I was walking around arrogantly behaving as if I could never be touched by a day of reckoning. I’ve acquired a level of humility you only receive through self-awareness, honesty, and detachment from things (and people) that only hold you back. Maturity continues to happen throughout life if we commit to growth. This humbling was just a part of being able to gain more wisdom… and maturity.

In October, I focused on clearing out my throat chakra and it has bled into November. No matter how terrified I’ve been of responses, I’ve said what I needed to say. I’ve allowed myself to feel and process the emotion instead of pushing it aside to prioritize something other than all these damn feelings. I haven’t allowed anyone to make me feel like those feelings don’t matter either. I have no desire to go back to being that girl who felt all her feelings alone because everyone else around her was too busy to care that she had feelings too. Due to this, it has become easier to detach from anyone who dismisses me and what I’m feeling.

Yes, I’m aware that we’ve all had something to deal with during this shitty ass pandemic.. and life. There are other people out there with chronic illnesses, battling for their life, losing family members to the never-ending sleep, working at dead end jobs, losing friendships that seemed permanent, and just fucking tired, in need of all the rest their body desires. I’m also aware that just because we are all dealing with life on our own terms, it lessens nothing happening in the moment of someone else's. It also doesn’t mean that we neglect our community until we’re in need of it supporting us. Because of this, my gratitude for those who didn’t throw “I’m busy” and/or “I got my own shit to deal with” at me when I needed support the most, has grown immensely.

This entire year has been an exercise in allowing people to be there for me so I could receive the support I knew I needed. It also prompted me to prioritize those lovingly pouring into me so that I could be available to pour into them too. Year 41 was my greatest lesson in being vulnerable. Whereas I fiercely protected my vulnerability in the past by not showing the full gamut of my emotions, I now fiercely protect my right to show and speak on what I’m feeling as it arises. I have no problem expressing my boundaries, stating expectations, and releasing those who aren’t in a space to respect what I need, from any form of connection to me. I desire to keep making space for those who want to be in alignment and harmony with the balance of our lives.

2020–2021 has been about letting go and making space for my roots to spread farther and deeper into everything that will assist with my growth. I am grateful to the friend who gifted me the Memento Mori calendar because she has also affirmed that there are people out there who will intentionally, thoughtfully, and mindfully love you as you want and need to be loved. So, here’s to more wisdom, love, growth, and connections that sustain us as we take life one year, month, week, and day at a time.

This ends the monthly memento mori.